Has any one seen my mind, I seemed to have lost it.

The other day I put the baby's dinner in the cupboard to warm it up (ya you read that right). Of course I then had to laugh at my self and said out loud to no one "I need sleep cause I’m losing my mind"

Today I found the craft cupboard open and asked who left it that way. My 5 year old laughed an amused little chuckle and said "you did mom, don't you remember you're losing your mind?" then as he walked away I heard him mumble under his breath "poor mummy is so tired she can’t even remember she’s losing her mind”

Gosh I can’t believe it!

The baby got her first tooth yesterday!!! This is such a weird feeling me! As a mom I have always been eager and excited to watch the kids grow up so I can see what’s next, what will be the next fun milestone we’ll get to witness!!! But, with this little one it’s so different I just want it to all stop and I want every stage to last longer that it should! I want to savor it all, every moment of it . . . I’m not sad just . . . well maybe sad LOL though not sad for her, I’m happy for her! It’s fun growing up (for her) but for me I can’t help but think with a heavy heart “this is our last first tooth” With this first tooth I feel like she’s officially no longer a new born . . . even though she’s not yet 6 months old she’s now a "baby". My sweet lil baby who won’t stop growing up in spite of what here mama's heart wants.

some days I feel like super mom and others . . . .

Two of my kids had doctor appointments this afternoon so I pack the three monkeys up and away we went. I felt so prepared for what ever mood they were in, I had a good rest before we left, I packed games and markers and paper and snacks. . . I really felt ready. Unfortunately even my preparedness was no match for an over 2 hour wait. Why do doctors always over book and make moms like me wait. I hate situations like this! Out in public, people listening (judging me) the kids know I won't use my angry voice in public so of course they take full advantage of the situation. I tried to compensate with "the look" but it does no good with out “the voice”! They know they've got me and they are not afraid to go wild; and this afternoon that is exactly what they did!!!

When they brought us into the exam room my two year old and four year old lost every bit of discipline and manners they've ever been taught. We waited in there for ten-ish or more minutes and in that short time my son (age 4) stole a pap smear swab and used it as a sward against his little sister, my daughter (age 2) broke the doctors computer. They both rummaged through all the drawers asking what everything was (how do explain those pap forceps to children??) stealing band-aids and gloves and tape measures. They stamped the examining table, the chairs, walls themselves and each other with the doctors signature stamps . . . the baby (3 months) pooped all over herself (and me). When i wasn't trying to clean up pooh I was feeding her. So all I could do about the wild monkeys was try to remain calm, remind them of how we behave, ask them to listen, and tell them over and over in the most calm voice to stop what they were doing. I was at their mercy! In the calmest voice I could muster and the angriest "I mean business" look I could produce. I near begged them to behave and neither were accommodating their dear mama.

When the doctor arrived she wasn’t in a good mood, utterly un-amused by my children’s antics. Her cold, impatient and unforgiving manner made me feel worse.

By the time we got back to the car I was so exhausted and frustrated, the monkey’s of course got a stern talking too about respecting other peoples belongings and what is appropriate behavior at the doctors office, then quietly I had myself a good cry. Now that I have had a time to calm down and reflect, I can’t help but laugh my butt offf!! MY SON STOLE A PAPSMEAR SWAB AND IS USING IT AS A SWARD!!!!!

OK, I’m ready

34.5 weeks pregnant and I know my baby needs to cook longer but I’m ready (and so are my children) for me to be back to normal. This weekend my son asked me when I was going to start playing with them like I used to. (Which means chase them and crawl around with them on the floor in and our of tent tunnels). They miss the real mommy and honestly so do I. My days with them are no longer as fun as they used to be, now it’s all about how can we have fun with out making a mess that I will later have to clean. . . I have little patience and am very disappointed with myself for all of this. . . . I just keep thinking to my self "only a few weeks left" I’ve tried explaining to my 4 year old and while he said he understood I’m not sure if he does . . . :(

Oh my, am I exhausted!!

The kids arrived home on Tuesday of this week. I drove to Montréal and it was happy reunion (other than hubby being detained for possible child abduction, apparently I was supposed to have sent him off with a permissionary note to travel with my. . . errr. . . OUR children and they stopped in on their way back into Canada). It’s been a busy week, I tired to get us all right back in to the normal week days of babysitter and school while I went to work and today we just played, lounged and rested and this is what has exhausted me so much HAHA MY CHILDREN AND HUSBAND!!! It makes me laugh that while hubby and the kids were gone on their vacation I was able to paint my bedroom, I shampooed the carpets and furniture, I steam cleaned the non carpeted floors, I deep cleaned both bathrooms and scrubbed the tiles in the showers, I cleaned out all the closets, shoveled at least 40 cm’s of snow (a little at a time each day). I washed the walls and reorganized all the kitchen cupboards. I washed all of my daughter’s infant clothing and sorted out the new baby’s dresser. I even went as far as packing the hospital! I took my time and it was all done in just a few days that left me with two days of nothing but rest but rather I chose to sew some new blankets for the baby . . . but I exhausted TODAY!!!!! Why is being with my little ones is so much draining than cleaning?? I just don’t get it!

Missing My Lovies

So, hubby and the kids left a couple days ago for their vacation and a visit with my MIL in Florida. I thought it might be a nice little mini break for me and that I could have a nice rest but it has been the hardest thing. I knew I would miss them but I never anticipated just how much I’d miss them. They’re all I can think about. They return next week thank goodness (only 5 more sleeps lol). Apparently they’re having a great time doing lots of things, I say “apparently” because I have yet to receive any photo’s of my little darlings doing any of these fun things, husband really are no good at keeping moms informed.

I just came in from shovel the 30cm's of snow we got today, the neighbor was by earlier and blew the drive way so there wasn't very much but still my poor pregnant body aches LOL

Girl Stuff

Hubby and the kids are getting ready to fly to Daytona to meet up with my MIL so in preparation for sandal weather I gave my little girl a pedicure complete with little hearts . . . it's just the cutest!

French manicure too!

Repressed feelings

I frequent a message board where all the women there are expecting and due around the same time as I am. There have been a lot of posts recently about baby showers and it has gotten me thinking about my baby shower. I’m very grateful to the lady who threw it for me, I hardly knew her but yet she still planned this wonderful gathering to celebrate my first child it warms me that a practical stranger would do this for me but at the same time I still find myself (4 years later) feeling very sad about it. I’m still sad that no one who knows me and was close to me was willing to have one for me. Not even my own mother or best friend! When I was expecting my second child I figured there would be no such celebration and there wasn’t. Which is fine cause not everyone feels like I do in that every child deserves a celebration but it still makes me sad too. Now that I’m expecting my third I'm certain there will be no celebration which I guess is fine cause really I don’t “need” anything. For me though it’s not about the gifts, it’s about the celebration . . . it’s about those close to me caring about me and my babies enough to want to make us feel special and celebrated . . . on the message board I have been seeing posts about girls having not one but two and three little celebrations for their second, third and one lady her fourth child and I’m so happy for them but I can’t help but wonder how it feels to be made to feel so cared about and special enough to be celebrated by those closest to you. Growing up I was never given a single birthday party so you’d think I’d be used to not being celebrated . . . but, it still dissapoints me . . . I wonder if maybe it’s the reason I had planed on not telling anyone when this little one is born. I have no plans to call and inform my family until after I'm home. In fact I never even really announced to anyone I was expecting again . . . I know many women don’t have showers at all but if I knew them I would plan one for them cause even if no gift is given having a celebratory tea party with the girls in your life to honor the coming baby is important and fun IMO . . .

Sore and exhausted but I’m satisfied!

We moved into this house four years ago and when we did we painted the living room walls a dark red (Louisiana Hot Sauce actually) and I LOVED it! Over time the colour has gotten old, and honestly over the past year I have come to despise it. The room doesn’t have a large window so it’s a dark room to begin with and the red just made it worse! So this weekend (in preparation for my maternity leave that will be starting in ten-ish weeks) I painted it a soft sandy colour (Lambskin actually) and it’s brightened everything up, I couldn’t be happier!

Before


















After

I’m going to need to get new curtains because as it is the windows look washed out but other than that it's bright and fantastic!!! And I have the personal satisfaction of saying the I did it all by myself. Hubby help by keeping the kids out of the way (sort of). . . I had to stop and prepare meals for the family and tidy so it took me twice as long as it should have but I’m not complaining cause it’s done and I'm satisfied!

Next weekend I hope to paint my bedroom!

What a hard day!!!

You know the kind I mean, no one thing makes it hard but you just had a hard time getting through it. . .

I feel like such a monster mom! I feel like all I have done is yell at my kiddo’s today but at the same time GOOD GAWD they were annoying! My son was needy, just calling out my name over and over and over then having nothing to say but “uhhhhhhhhh. . . errr . . . uuuummmmm. . I love you. . . ” and then he would ask to watch TV so I would turn it on and he would leave the room until I turned it off again then get upset with me for having turned it off. He jumped from sofa to love seat like a monkey gone mad I don’t know how many times I asked him to stop do it or to get his fingers out of his nose or pants. And my daughter who I have to admit was much less needy pee’d her pants at least four times today! ARG!!!!! Those messes are fine though I can live with them she is after all only two and is still learning but the other messes she makes GRRRR she brings ALL her toy ALL OVER the house so clean up is this giant ordeal and not just a quick one room thing

While I’m really trying to enjoy my last pregnancy for all that it is I’m totally hating myself as a mom, I’m so tired and inpatient and get frustrated easy. I haven’t had the energy to do even half of the fun activities, crafts or games we normally do my poor babies. I hope I’m not ruining them I hope they will forgive me once I return to my normal self. . . only a couple months left to go . . .

Hubby has had a horrible day too, it's 9pm, he’s still at work the poor guy and he hasn’t even had time to eat . . . .

I am glad my two messy monkeys are both in bed and all I have to do tonight is put my feet up and watch some TV . . . I think I might go watch them sleep for a while cause that always makes everything better!

Have a nice weekend